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Sometimes, predicting things isn't too fun.

Sep. 20th, 2008 | 06:16 am

I really feel the reality of the world crushing down on me. How you have to really put effort and your life into your job, if you really want to succeed. How easily it is to rise in your workforce and how easily you can be replaced. I'm happy that I'm starting to get a better job title and slowly moving away from cashiering and something I'm actually meant to do.

Replaced...ahahaha. I like I always have the luck in the world...to always be the first to try out everything and for others to leach off the end product. Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother trying? I thought I had something that was valuable and someone I could trust. As a close friend, but even in the end I saw right through it. It makes me think and wonder how really "fair" life is. I have a handful of people who I can say are my friends or close friends. But sometimes, I feel like that amount gets smaller and it scares me how really alone I am in this world.

I'd wish Howard would have more time to spend with me, but he's busily studying away at his work...and it just feels like him going to Stuy and I'm attending LaG again. Instead of having the convience of my friends to be with me, I'm toiling away at work and with my free time..what do I do? Sleep and work some more. And if I'm up to sacraficing my sleep, I'll play Halo with my clan.

I feel like when you give 100% of your time to making sure someone is okay and that'd they'd repay you back for it and treat you the same way. That's wrong. Like how  I treated someone to soup when he as sick and after that he was infactuated with me because I was conviently single. But, when I got back with Howard, his niceness and his immediate response was gone. I feel that even though I listen to how everyone feels and try to cheer them up...in the end...sometimes what about me?

When does that chance happen when they catch me when I fall?

Because I'm falling right now.

So busyyyyyyyyyy

Aug. 4th, 2008 | 01:39 am

I've been pretty busy to not blog...and even when I am hyped up to, I soon forget, because of something that appears yet again. So far I'm going to be tackling some web graphic design projects (paid), which I can't mention, because it's "top secret". Then hopefully to co-sell with Kenny with t-shirts alongside with Howard.

I've been jotting and sketching ideas of designs...and I really need to get a move on the website and creating products. There's also work at Web2Zone from Monday through Wednesday morning shifts. I might be hosting a tournament for Halo 3, but that's still iffy as well. I've been set to do counter work and now creating graphics for Web2Zone, which is a huuugeee plus. Some more stuff to add to my growing portfolio.

Howard and I have been working hard to get Bunnie into her new large cage...but we have to first tackle all the problems with the new cage. We need a pee guard that would protect her pee from coming out of the cage...and also since there is a large sliding tray...we came up with the idea of using cat litter.  I never knew cat litter was so cool. It would soak in piss or poop...and keep it clumped so you can take it out and refill it. That's really efficient.

I'm also going to have 2 phones by Aug 31 or even earlier. I would still have my old phone number with Verizon and a T-Mobile phone that'd have unlimited texting, etc. This way I can't go over my minutes with my Verizon family plan. I'll use my T-mobile strictly for texting and talking to pple who have the t-mobile to t-mobile feature.

I'm also hopefully going to get my DSLR soon. =] I want to take fabulous model photos and artistic photos as well. I don't think normal cameras can do it anymore. It's fine to point and shoot for everyday fun-ness. But what about doing business...like selling t-shirts....? I'm sure it's time to step up the plate.

One things for sure in life, everything costs money. It's quite hard to keep a lifestyle being a struggling artist. But with enough hope and faith. I'm sure things will soon change.

I'm going to be changing my blog, so stay tuned and hopefully you'll all revert to the new one. It'll have to do more about creating t-shirts and also about myself. It's more like a self promotion kind of thing...like how Tila Tequila...Leah Dizon got famous...along side with more video blogs on youtube.

Wish me luck! <3

By the way, meeting new people sometimes means breaking many hearts. How do people crush on people so easily?

MEOW MEOW!!!!!! ;D

Summer's Breeze

May. 27th, 2008 | 03:16 am

I've never had such a wonderful summer...that's actually full of peace. My walls have collapsed. I don't have to glue my smile and constantly think about what to do and say. No planning, no forcing myself into conversation, and just focusing on taking care of my baby...Bunnie and enjoying the summer breeze with Howard. All these years we've yelled, fought, slept, dyed each others hairs, shared our most inner secrets, exposed our true selves, cried, watched, distance, cuddled...we've grown so comfy with each other. I feel like I've grown up with him my whole life. I don't need to wake up and brush my hair, put on make up, and just roll out of my PJs and run downstairs and happily greet him. I don't feel like I'm being judged. I know he doesn't look at me the same as everyone else. Not with Lust, not with anything but just me.

I don't have to think about what to say. The silences that we have are so natural. It's not because of boredom, but simply a state of understanding. We could read without distracting one another....watch any show together...etc. Bunnie has been more active...and yesterday we brought her outside to run around in the back yard. She seems to love ripping newspaper in the dog house though. =\

Howard and I are going to finally start our task of designing clothes. We're progressing well and I hope to succeed.

You know, I thought long and hard (no not that way!) but what would be my favorite thing out of the day to do is probably to sleep and wake up next to someone I love. It's the best feeling in the world. I think for someone to sleep with you allowing their guard to be let down is a trust between one another to do the same. I like waking up to Bunnie...lol...I would hold her and sleep for a little and wake up...and open my eyes to her staring at me. ;DDDD

=] Happy

Apr. 27th, 2008 | 03:03 am

I love Howard



I miss him, her, them.


Apr. 25th, 2008 | 12:31 pm


OMFG! I'm petty upset about this. They want tax shit that comes into NYC...especially Amazon. It's not their fault they're not located in NYC...and shipping it all the way here. Then maybe the retailers here should make their prices nice and low. ;DDDD

I've been shopping a LOT. =[ Oh no!!!

Cristen...I'm sry for like spoiling it...I thought you'd watch it by now!!! =[ Nooo I think Chrystina looks better...lol not that Natalie isn't any prettier...but I don't know I get drawn to her more. ;D

I wanna learn to dance...;D

Apr. 24th, 2008 | 05:56 pm

Watching Girlicious series...I'm so happy! I LOVE CHRYSTINA. She's so hot. =] She's part asian!


I really really can't wait for summer to come. I want to hit the beaches and work out moreeee. =]


We need more breaks!

Mar. 25th, 2008 | 07:27 pm

School has been such a let down.  I feel so unchallenged. The challenge I feel is when the teachers expect their students to learn everything on their own. It's like I had to find the stick and stone myself to build a fire. I feel bad for the people who don't know jack shit what they're doing completely. What I most dislike is the fact that my professors compare the newly graduated high school students to the well established people who are 5-10 years older than we are. I know I can be good, but no way in hell would i have the experience input like they would. Maybe pretty darn close, but not precisely.

I really can't wait to break loose from my major. It's been hectic, and I'm pretty sure I'll just end up with a decent portfolio and a piece of paper that says I've graduated. I think is funny is that I do more work not in class then in class. My teachers end up just talking and telling us all to compare eachothers artworks, while we could be doing work. I'm happy to see other people's artwork, but not when it takes up 3 hours of the whole entire class.

Yes yes...Anime Boston? What can I say? "Shit happens!" as Lyndon would say. It does...and I ended up at home with 4 Mike's Hard and 2 different flavors of Smirnoff. Kevin ended up throwing his guts up...and it was kind of laid back compared to last year. I'm glad that there are people watching out for me. I've learned one thing is not to let your guard down or you'll be humped. To top it off, I'm sick from the lack of sleep.  Also pawning in Halo is gratifying especially when you're against 7 other people...and you're the only girl. "Who the hell is MUSTARD!!!! You should have died!!!" LOL And it turns out to be this cute school girl. LOL ;DDDD Hopefully my side quest to be one of the top female MLG players would come soon?

I'd like to point out how much I never really soaked in the fact that I'm surrounded by such famous players of the MLG world. I was stalked by Korean DJ last year, and he turns out to be this famous (and still famous now in Brawl) in Smash...top players. I've seen PC Chris...and Ninja Link & D1 who sneak into FIT are top ranking nationally and Moose is also top ranked as well....It's so funny...and Jeff & Jay being 4th worldly ranked in doubles in Smash. Weird...so weird. I never really fully embraced it, because I see them so much. LOL

Avenue Q was as SPECTACULAR AND HILARIOUS as they would say. =] Thank you Stevie wonder for getting them tickets. OMFG!!!!! It was beautiful. I loved every moment of it. They deserved every penny I spent on it. I'd even watch it again for the hell of it.

I still need a job. I don't know what will come in my way, but I've been thinking of working on seriously making lolita dresses or screen printing some actually good designs. Hnn...we'll see how things are.

Working out for the summer! =] I want to be looking good for the beach. I might be going to Germany, Poland, and Austria for summer vacation...but that's maybe. If I get the internship at Pink I'd definately blow off that. ;DDDDDDDD

Everyone's changing, well so am I.

Mar. 2nd, 2008 | 02:50 am

I haven't written here in ages and pretty much proud of it.  As of now I'm praying that I can get a job through a friend of a friend from LIVE on Halo. LOL Moosey Moose's friend JayKilla (actually real name Jeff) works at Web 2 Zone (http://www.web2zone.com/index.html). It's a internet cafe and game cafe. You basically rent out space with a console to play with  your friends and also there are tournaments held there. Sounds like a sweet job since he's going to recommend Mike, Moose, and I. I really need a job.

Apprently Victoria's Secret: PINK is offering internships..for college students who are majoring in certain fields. You also have to be in that major...and apparently they have visual displayyyy....!!! OMFG! I hope they choose me...that would be a really good thing to put in my resume.

My portfolio class is interesting...it's make me build up my confidence a bit...and making me actually look for my freakin work...lost among the forest in my room....god knows where they are...T______T

I'm steadily working out and finding myself feeling more energetic. Volley ball every thursday is refreshing....I want to get better and become uppper body stronger. =[ I can't do push ups.

Hnn...and I'm finally a Star with a bar rank 30 in Halo...lol yay!

I think it's been great being single and being friends with everyone. I really want to focus on building my career at this point.

LIVE really takes it out of you.

Nov. 25th, 2007 | 05:03 pm

The break was a bit of a stress reliever. My dad drove over with boxes for me to put my clothes in. LOL His van was full and my dad was like WTF! He thought I had taken most of it during my other visits. LOLOLOL!!!!

I mean there are a few things I left which were just jackets. I saw Bunnie once again. She's so cuuuteee!!! Her fur got lighter and softer. I'm glad she still remembers me...but I wish I could take her back in.  Glad that Howard has been taking care of her, I just wish I had more access to her, because I'm sure he's too busy with work to even hold her while doing his work.

I'm SO HAPPY that we all got the things we wanted from Black Friday. The Sharp HDTV sitting on my drawer is a fabulous investment, I just wish I could use it more often...although homework poses distracts me from using it. LOL

AND OMFG!!!! Friggin XBOX LIVE is a drug...it's like weed...once you smoke that shit, you can't turn back. I know if I say "I'll play one game" ...it turns into many...TOO MANY.


I'm glad I got sucked back into playing games...and I'm planning to finish up Kingdom Hearts 2...or at least even START....lol.

Halo 3 has been just something that's distracted me from other things. I know it's something bad...ignorant a bit? Sometimes I just don't want to bother with things anymore. I'm letting things flop, grow however they want. 

(no subject)

Nov. 11th, 2007 | 09:45 pm

As you can see...I'm not proud to say...I'm not orangey no more. =[

I'm red, brown (dark). I'm planning dye my hair jet black next. I guess during the winter I'll live with "darkness". When spring slowly comes, the sun will come back and lighten our lives again. So will my hair. =D

My project runway 3 has shipped! Come to me!!! ;DDD

I don't know why
You want to follow me tonight
When in the rest of the world
With you whom I've crossed and I've quarreled
Let's me down so
For a thousand reasons that I know
To share forever the unrest
With all the demons I possess
Beneath the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry

8th and Ocean Drive
With all the vampires and their brides
We're all bloodless and blind
And longing for a life
Beyond the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street

Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon

So far away – so outer space
I've trashed myself – I've lost my way
I've got to get to you got to get to you

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street yeah
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon
(lalalala till end)
Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon

Tired of Being Sorry - Enrique Inglesias
     DOWNLOAD IT! ;D I set this up since I love it so much.